I saw an amazingly beautiful woman in the grocery store.
She was tall and thin with long blonde hair and high cheek bones. She looked like someone Hollywood would cast as Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. She even had a certain aura about her, like she knew she was Aphrodite.
That’s when I looked in her grocery cart.
And saw the package of toilet paper.
And something inside me died.
Yes, I know. Everyone does it.
But I wanted to think she was above it.
And that wasn’t even the worst part.
The worst part was this:
It was a 24-pack.
And no, she had no ring. So she had no husband. And probably no kids.
“Since Thanksgiving, the advertising industry has spent over $1 billion to influence what American dicktards, asswipes, and cock-knobs will put under their Christmas trees,” Merrill Lynch retail analyst Barbour Scott said. “By the third week in December, that number is expected to quadruple, as the courting process intensifies for the gnat-like attention of these witless lamebrains.”—