“They may never be considered popular or mainstream, but they are successful in moving the culture forward and everyone remembers them as truly unique and a memorable experience.”—a scout from the Belle Foundation, on Corpus Callosum
I took a self portrait last night, which I really like. It made me happy to take it, and I want to post it. But ever since I took it, two parts of my brain have been fighting with each other about whether putting it up is a good idea. The photo isn’t even anything that bad or naked or anything, but this has been bothering me a lot, and for longer than just the last couple of days.
You see, at one point, and for a few months, I was keeping up a 365 Days photo project. Taking photos, especially self portraits, was a very new thing for me, and I was really enjoying it. It wasn’t only the act of taking the photos, but also the act of sharing them that made me very very happy.
The project came to a sudden and painful halt when some of the pictures were used against me in an extremely humiliating, violating, nauseating way. I deleted my old Tumblr, I made all the photos of myself on Flickr private, and I completely lost the inspiration to keep doing the project.
So now, today. I have this itch to keep sharing. Ever since that event, I have felt a lot like I’m hiding under the covers. I want to throw a big middle finger to the person who made me afraid, and I want to keep putting things up that I’m proud of and I want to not care who sees them. But it still makes me flinch every time I think about what happened, so clearly I do care. For someone so pathetic to have this kind of control over me is simply infuriating.
So, that is my confused life barf for this evening. (There have been a lot of these going on in my head this year.) What do you folks out there in Internetland think of this? Anyone have any words of wisdom, or even just regular words?