School was pretty great today, though very overwhelming. I’m very seriously considering quitting my job and taking out student loans so I can just focus all my time and energy on school and art and music. I’m planning on being in school for at least another 8 years, or however long it will take me to get a PhD, at which point I sincerely hope to have a job that pays well enough to pay off the many thousands of dollars in debt that I will be accruing.
If any of you folks have any advice for me about this, it would be greatly appreciated.
3 broad questions so you can answer in as much detail as you desire!
1. What is your relationship with your music?
2. What is your relationship with your past?
3. What is your relationship with your looks?
And one bonus question: what's your favorite song right now?
1. Music has always been in my life in one way or another, and I often wish I had more energy to put into it. I want to write more, but I feel like the best ideas only come to me when I’m not trying, and they usually only come every couple of years or so. Basically, I’m totally in love with music, but the relationship could use some work.
2. I have pretty intense bouts of nostalgia every so often, and occasionally a bad memory/regret will pop into my head during quiet moments. Overall, I wouldn’t change a thing because every event in my life has led me to where I am now, and in a lot of ways, Now is pretty fucking rad.
3. A mix of pride and shame, the balance of which can vary from day to day, and depends on an infinitude of factors.
Bonus: To name only one song would be far too limiting. I can never pick favorites. There are too many songs that make me cry, or give me goosebumps, or take me away to other places, and it would be impossible to rank them. You would get the same answer for a song, album, band, or genre (though I hate categorizing music into genres; also too limiting).
But, to give you at least some kind of answer, lately I’ve been really into everything Doseone has been involved with: His solo work, Themselves, Subtle, 13 & God, cLOUDDEAD, Greenthink, Deep Puddle Dynamics, etc.
I feel so crazy! I’m re-starting college tomorrow after not being a student for 8 years, and the one year I spent in college after high school was so depressing and just bad, and I was a terrible student then, but I was also really lost and messed up, and I’m lost and messed up again this year but not in the same way, and I’m going to school so I can get a PhD and be a therapist, but listen to me! What the fuck kind of therapist do I think I’m going to be when I can’t even sleep because I’m starting fucking GENERAL ED in COMMUNITY COLLEGE tomorrow! Ahhh! Aaaahhhhhh!
Here’s a song I wrote a long time ago. It was recorded spontaneously in a day sometime last year on a 4-track tape recorder. Please pay close attention to my theremin solo, and please pretend you can’t hear any mistakes.
This life we will savor the pleasant, the pain When we find ourselves saved it’s her favor we’ve gained And the taste of her sorrow when waste this we do Is the raining tomorrow that we can’t push through
Umbrellas will help us forget our wet shoes Forgetting will keep us from hearth warm and true Our bodies are aching from cold to the bone And the din of the falling will wake us alone
Pull back your covers I’ll keep your sheets warm Arms are unfolding and welcoming home Allow me to, I’ll keep your love safe inside All-powerful hearts will together collide
And how could I forget the shape of those hands, boy? Does a sparrow forget the air? When you’re far away and you’re lonely, boy do you forget your fingers in my hair?
Sever all doubt and all pain from below Rise in the lifting as lighter’s our load Find me in clouds high and bow to my smiling for she is queen if king is done from his hiding
07:00 Wake up 09:00 Get to work 18:00 Get off work 18:10 Get on MUNI 18:30 Band practice 21:30 Go home 21:45 Get in bed 22:30 Go to sleep
- Saturday -
05:00 Wake up 05:30 Try to find a bus that runs at the butt crack of dawn on a Saturday 06:09 Miss my bus 06:15 Drive my car to the bottom of Potrero Hill 06:25 Catch the bus I thought I had missed 07:00 Get to work 15:30 Get off work 16:00 Help move a couch 17:00 Leave for San Jose 19:00 Play an awesome show 24:15 Eat delicious enchiladas 01:00 Leave San Jose for home 02:00 Get home 02:15 Go to sleep
- Sunday -
06:45 Wake up 08:30 Get to work 18:00 Get off work 18:20 Pick up my car 19:00 Eat not very delicious soba noodles 20:00 Drive to Montara 20:30 Hang out with my favorite doggy because he is dying 22:00 Drive home 23:00 Crash hard
- Monday -
08:00 Wake up 09:43 Get to work 19:00 Get off work 19:20 Catch BART to Oakland 19:40 Get to the Fox Theatre 20:00 Watch an amazing Joanna Newsom performance 23:15 Catch BART back to SF 23:45 Catch MUNI up Potrero Hill 24:00 Get off MUNI on the edge of the projects 24:01-24:10 Walk home while contemplating the possibility of harassment/death 24:11 Change into PJs/start the kettle 24:20-24:40 Type this post while drinking tea A few minutes from now: Sleep like the dead.